I. Can’t. Even. I have literally lost my ability to even.
In the 1950s, NORAD started “tracking Santa” to ensure that he could pass safely into the US without fear of being mistaken for a Soviet bomber. But here in 2016, it seems like getting approval from the military isn’t enough to prove that Father Christmas isn’t a terrorist. Santa has to go through Customs now.
And if he wants to make it in time, visiting all of the good little girls and boys in just a single night, he’d better not get caught up in long lines at the border. So Santa is forced to submit to an extensive background check and an interview… extreme vetting.. in order to qualify for Global Entry.
The shocking thing about the video, and the way you know it isn’t real (no, not because it features Santa Claus) is that he was actually able to get an interview appointment without waiting six months.
(HT: Paul H.)