7 Ways to Look Like an Idiot Trying to Upgrade to First Class

A common genre in travel writing is the ‘how to upgrade’ piece that contains advice which is 100% completely, patently false.


You Don’t Sit Here By ‘Dressing Nice’ or Pretending It’s Your Honeymoon

So instead of reading those articles, if you’re not going to read actual true advice on how to upgrade, then you might as well follow this advice: “7 Ways To Get Bumped Up To First Class On Your Next Flight”

It won’t work. Ever. But you’ll look like the biggest idiot ever have fun trying.

Here are the two best tips:

1. Present the pilot with a good, dependable work mule: Everyone loves a gift. If you give the pilot the gift of a strong, healthy work mule as you board the aircraft, it is customary for the pilot to immediately bump you up to first class.

…3. Disguise yourself as a mimosa: Alcoholic beverages are complimentary in first class, so if you dress up as a cocktail, you can sit down without anyone realizing you’re actually a human who belongs in coach.

They’re all kind of awesome though.

About Gary Leff

Gary Leff is one of the foremost experts in the field of miles, points, and frequent business travel - a topic he has covered since 2002. Co-founder of frequent flyer community InsideFlyer.com, emcee of the Freddie Awards, and named one of the "World's Top Travel Experts" by Conde' Nast Traveler (2010-Present) Gary has been a guest on most major news media, profiled in several top print publications, and published broadly on the topic of consumer loyalty. More About Gary »

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Comments

  1. Well in light of recent drug smuggling events the pilot could be mistaken for a “mule”. Sorry I couldn’t help it 🙂

  2. “Simply love and accept yourself, and you’ll be in first class no matter where your seat is.”

    Sorry Gary, but that’s clearly the best one!

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