A common genre in travel writing is the ‘how to upgrade’ piece that contains advice which is 100% completely, patently false.
You Don’t Sit Here By ‘Dressing Nice’ or Pretending It’s Your Honeymoon
So instead of reading those articles, if you’re not going to read actual true advice on how to upgrade, then you might as well follow this advice: “7 Ways To Get Bumped Up To First Class On Your Next Flight”
It won’t work. Ever. But you’ll
look like the biggest idiot ever have fun trying.
Here are the two best tips:
1. Present the pilot with a good, dependable work mule: Everyone loves a gift. If you give the pilot the gift of a strong, healthy work mule as you board the aircraft, it is customary for the pilot to immediately bump you up to first class.
…3. Disguise yourself as a mimosa: Alcoholic beverages are complimentary in first class, so if you dress up as a cocktail, you can sit down without anyone realizing you’re actually a human who belongs in coach.
They’re all kind of awesome though.