Jewish Miracle Fish Believed To Warn Of Apocaplyse

An obscure Jewish sect in New York has been gripped in awe by what it believes to be a mystical visitation by a 20lb carp that was heard shouting in Hebrew, in what many Jews worldwide are hailing as a modern miracle.
Many of the 7,000-member Skver sect of Hasidim in New Square, 30 miles north of Manhattan, believe God has revealed himself in fish form.

According to two fish-cutters at the New Square Fish Market, the carp was about to be slaughtered and made into gefilte fish for Sabbath dinner when it suddenly began shouting apocalyptic warnings in Hebrew.

Read the whole thing. My favorite part?

Stand-up comedians have already incorporated the carp into their comedy routines at weddings. One gefilte company has considered changing it’s slogan to: ‘Our fish speaks for itself.’